When nobody IS somebody

Around 7 years ago, I was in a mentally abusive relationship with a self-addictive individual who I had allowed to take an emotional toll on my sense of self and confidence as a loving, caring person.  I resorted to writing a poem in this time of grief (shown at the end of this post), gesturing to the Universe that I was in need of relief proclaiming I was ready to become proactive in the cure.

I think there is a time in all of our lives where we have allowed another to take our joy, causing us to forget who we are and that the God of our faith has a mate for us,  or a purpose that fills that void or possibly an activity that will challenge our spirit, bring love inside our total being and direct us onto the path we were designed for at birth.  "Another" is different for us all and can take the form of a relationship, social group, occupation or dependency.

Recognizing that nobody IS somebody creates a turning point where we begin to acknowledge that healing is imminent through choice and understanding that we ALL deserve to be loved by someone, give/share love or perform loving acts into the community and for society.  All these positive energies are converged into the soul and illuminated by fashioning our individual aura.  

Sharing is caring and if this message is meant for you, receive my blessings and know that you are worthy to take the next steps to shed nobody and create your somebody...

 

Just call me nobody…

An invisible icon on your desktop; only the user knows where the program is run.

Just call me nobody…the shut down in my system has just begun

I have always wondered why I am led into one-sided relationships

Just call me nobody…the ability for tolerance and oversight, I can no longer permit

No one that is close to you knows my name; everyone in my life has spoken to you or seen your face

Just call me nobody; in your photograph, no special person fills that accompanying space

The best way to release yourself from bondage is to set another free

Just call me nobody…I know that before I can feel happiness, with you I cannot be

So many fond memories, yet the future is uncertain

The end of another chapter, the last act closes the curtain

Just call me nobody, do you remember me? 

You’ll never see my emotions, there for your needs

Caught in the dark, afraid to confront the light

No reason to commit to me because, sarcastically, I have all the time in the world

“Nobody” tolerates all heartache and is the continuous caretaker

Forgiving, non-judgmental, with its own heartache unattended

Won’t place blame but knows who’s at fault

Disappointed once again, but that’s Ok, I can take it

And who takes care of nobody? 

Nobody...because no one even knows that nobody is suffering

In summary, a nobody must learn to take care of oneself…or forever live in sorrow

Believe in your strength, let go today, don’t wait for tomorrow

by Michelle J Epperson

August 5, 2003

Revel in all things positive...you always have a choice!

So, two years ago I was posting my third anniversary for my locks and it is pretty unbelievable that time passes so suddenly and my inspiration for keeping them has grown even more.  After five years, I can't imagine living without natural hair and so thankful the concept became a reality for sharing through a single blessed individual's idea.
I have analyzed that the longer we experience this existence called life, we can choose to participate or eliminate in learning and expanding our growth while building healthy memories to keep us moving forward. 
Positive energy is powerful especially when you envision the possibilities in your daily routine.  I have watched people around me take their dreams and turn them into reality [even for just a moment in time] by knowing and seeing themselves in that moment.  I am always looking for little miracles to happen to those I truly care about and when I see them, I have to remind them that we talked about that happening, that development, that manifestation, that warrants itself phenomenal.  When we forget to acknowledge these things, we place ourselves under the spell of vanity and forget that there is a power much higher and magical than our human hands could ever put together so perfectly. 
I praise all of the gifts that I have received and the network of loved ones that continue to support me even if they don't always agree with my choices.  It's all about free will and that's what makes being a creation of God so perfect.  We always have a choice.
It's also important to remember not get disheartened when those choices may lead us in a direction where we may have to experience solitude, changing our path and a different association and changed network of souls.  Sometimes, even our own family members can take us off course and embrace us only if we conform to relationships that are unhealthy and damaging.  I witness more and more accounts of children (mostly once entered into adulthood) who abandon their parents.  Then parents who gloat in their children's adulthood and cease teaching and caring for their welfare.  And most saddening, couples who believe that living a mediocre lifestyle of acceptance, toleration of entrapment and not believing in soul mates is the same as accepting God's will to live in matrimony.  But then there is the alternative and all scenarios take hard work, commitment and the ability to recognized the truth.  You don't have to live any other life except the one that the Universe delivers in harmony but you may have to turn your back on some damaging personalities that you may have mistaken as friends and loved ones.  An individual's position does not make them bound to you in that position if they are hurting you or making you question your love of self.  If it feels right, it is...if it is painful, you need to safely work your way out and remove yourself.
Life is simple...keep love and light in it, create your Earthly family that will bring joy in your experience and thank God for his graces and miracles, especially the ones you learn to manifest!
Peace to all and revel in all things positive,
Chelle E

Nearing the anniversary of my third Sisterlocks 'birthday'...

Anyone knowing me prior to the Fall of 2007 would not be surprised to see me in any number of multiple hues and lengths of hair pieces, weaves or shining wigs.  I loved the look but there was only one problem, it was just that...a look.  All the hairpieces, perms and extensions in my cache were covering up the most important element about myself.  That underneath it all, I didn't give my natural hair a chance, and after I thought about it for a while, I hadn't for a decade or so.
That summer, my sister was taking a big step in her artificial and damaging hair care woes herself leaving two choices-shave it all off or try something natural.  After some extensive research, she came up with something I had never heard of; Sisterlocks (http://www.Sisterlocks.com) and upon install, I knew she wouldn't be able to do this look alone, so I joined her. 
Sisterlocks was like a science project or my hair under cocoon status but for the first time in my life, I couldn't dictate the style.  My hair finally was able to breathe and obtain an

identity that would incorporate with its owner.  What I love telling everyone who is contemplating locks is to not think of Sisterlocks as a hairstyle...they are a frame of thought, an extension of self, and as life-changing as a commitment can be.  
For the next couple of months, I would captivatingly endure this commitment for a few reasons.  1) An in depth consultation explaining what Sisterlocks were, who designed the process and an educational and controversial new outlook on the history of black hair.  2) The initial investment to get started balanced out with the thousands of dollars I had spent over years in damaging processes in exchange for bi-monthly appointments for retightenings.  3) A future opportunity offered by Sisterlocks to start my own business passing on the education of keeping hair natural with provisions to maintain tress strength and styling options for Black women. 

My particular hair type, Afro-Indian in origin and full of variations from crown, to sides, the nape would prove quite a challenge in its attempts to revert and accept the locking process but I learned to love and baby my hair during this journey.  Definitely more attention than I had ever bothered to pay before or felt comfortable to embrace my naturalness by society's standards.  And where I used to receive admiration for my faux styles of the past, I was now getting puzzled looks as to why would I want to look unattractive and nappy.  That's when my eyes were opened to the invisible line and misconceptions in the hair world's hair dilemma.

 I was used to the light-skinned, dark-skinned debate, I was even used to the "good hair" malady but now there was another division between black women when in fact there should have been a celebration that yet there was another style of choice.  And where other nationalities had been able to emulate the Afro, cornrows and even 'dread' locks, Sisterlocks is exclusive to the curl patterns distinctive of coiled Afro indigenous hair.  Something else changed too...the response by men.  Men that may have found disapproval in 'fake' hair styles had a different outlook on women that chose natural hair, not limited to Sisterlocks. 

Vacationing in a Hawaii would be the true testament to the freedom of natural hair.  I had traveled previously to Mexico and the islands and never felt comfortable taking photographs because it was like a before and after take.  Off the plane, laying on the beach, all showed me with flowing weave but if I went out or wanted to jump in the pool without having to reconstruct a straightened style with frustration not to cause suspicion or take even 15 minutes out of my trip, were moments I hated to waste.  I wanted to have fun and be spontaneous like other travelers, it just didn't seem fair to afford the trip and still have the hassles of being at home endlessly turning kinky hair to straight.  But my natural hair promoting Sisterlocks changed that.  I would shower in the morning, pack my backpack for the day, walk along the beach, lay on the beach, drench myself in the ocean waters, get up, go find a place to eat and not have to return to the hotel room not one single time.  I thought I was in Heaven.  No hiding, no stress, spontaneity, and I could be ME the whole time.  I would never go back to straightening or hair pieces.  And when I got home, I worked out, swam, relaxed in the sauna without having to worry about my hair.

After that, I wanted to help others enjoy their experience as I was introduced only months before as a Sisterlocks trainee.  Performing the service of Sisterlocks is rewarding because you get to meet enlightened and newly converted women (and men) who are joining a network of support which transpires every time a new member becomes introduced.  Overall, the whole experience has been positive, educational and uplifting.  Gone are greasy products, thread, nets, glue, combs and brushes, cover-ups and hair that refuses length.  And although not a pre-requisite, knowing how to do my own hair is therapeutic as well.  There's a feeling of self-reliance of do-good in support of my natural locks not to mention I used to be quite efficient exerting my own weaves, extensions and relaxers.

I have had my share of battles however, yet no different than thinning hair or chemical burns.  Now I can make braids for waves or use "soft spikes" for curls.  The wind blowing through my hair, however is a feeling that many take advantage of and the list of discovery goes on with every new month...something more that I can write about, each new length, with the hopes that we all accept the hair choices we make.  My only wish is that with most things, become educated and do what is natural and healthy for your temple.  Nothing should make a person chose harming their body in the name of societal acceptance.
Peace and blessings to all!  Chelle

Hairstyle freedom of choice but research and analyze your options

http://www.essence.com/hair/commentary_1/commentary_hair_politics_natural_vs_permed.php has an interesting take on the politics of natural vs. everything else...

My viewpoint is that we all have a process that we go through when deciding whichever way to go and from my experience, it wasn't about me liking straight hair down my back, I was brainwashed that it was beautiful and that I really possessed it. I was covering up my nappy hair just as visibly as bleaching my skin (oh yes, I tried in my teens) and wondering why I wasn't being accepted after following all of society's 'directions'. The truth of the matter was that I hadn't accepted myself as being black or that God gave me what I had not to cover it, fill my scalp with poisons, choose weave over exercise and health or loss of identity every time I saw myself without a wig but to creatively access it and develop individuality, research my history and truly understand the origins of what I was putting my psyche through.

What I do agree with in this article is that choice is mandated in order to relish in the experience and appreciate the sensitivity of the issue at hand which to me, is black identity in itself. My problem is not that hair decides who is embracing blackness in the most attractive way but that we are not educated as to what we are addicting ourselves too. There is a mental stereo type that leads us to our decision to process, extend and cover our hair no matter how you dress it up. In that case, we should accept our people's history with drugs, crime, unhealthy diets, poverty, unequal education and welfare because it defines black people. We should celebrate just being proud of our blackness wherever the majority resides and either one is an acceptable definitive of being black.

Justifiably, it doesn't equate with enthusiasm and passion to choose either style without doing your research and that's where my position lies, placing the positive aspects over the negative ones. For example, if you're into a relaxer, fine? Just research what is going into that chemical, who sponsors it, are you putting monies back into your community or a black owned business, Asian, or European and what are the long term effects of these chemicals. This affair is not just about hair, this is about what is acceptable, normal and healthy in society and how to conform and survive within it.

The Statue of Liberty provides a lesson in Black History~a hoax

Just in case you receive this, it seems unbelievable that anyone would need to falsify information about our black culture but this happens quite often. Below is a detailed breakdown of this document...the author did go through a lot of work though to make this subject sound academically analysed...
http://www.snopes.com/history/american/liberty.asp


A Lesson in Black History

The Statue of Liberty

It is hard to believe that after my many years of schooling (secondary and
post) the following facts about the Statue of Liberty were never taught:

Hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of people including myself have visited
the Statue of Liberty over the years but yet I'm unable to find one person who
knows the true history behind the Statue...amazing!

Yes, amazing that so much important Black history (such as this) is hidden from
us (Black and White). What makes this even worse is the fact that the current
twist on history perpetuates and promotes white supremacy at the expense of
Black Pride!

During my visit to France I saw the original Statue of Liberty. However, there
was a difference...the statue in France is BLACK!!!!!!

"Ya learn something new everyday!"

The Statue of Liberty was originally a Black woman. But, as memory serves, it
was because the model was Black. In a book called "The Journey of The Songhai
People," as Dr. Jim Haskins (a member of the National Education Advisory
Committee of the Liberty-Ellis Island Committee, professor of English at the University of
Florida, and prolific Black author, points out that is what stimulated the
original idea for that 151 foot statue in the harbor. He says that the idea for
the creation of the statue initially was to acknowledge the part that Black soldiers played in the
ending of Black African Bondage in the United States.

It was created in the mind of the French historian Edourd de Laboulaye, Chairman
of the French Anti-Slavery Society, who, together with sculptor Frederic Auguste
Bartholdi, proposed to the French government that the people of France present
to the people of the United States through the American Abolitionist Society, the gift of a
Statue of Liberty in recognition of the fact that Black soldiers won the Civil
War in the United States. It was widely known then that it was Black Soldiers
who played the pivotal role in winning the war, and this gift would be a
tribute to their prowess.

Suzanne Nakasian, director of the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island Foundations'
National Ethnic Campaign said that the Black Americans' direct connection to
Lady Liberty is unknown to the majority of Americans, BLACK or WHITE.

When the statue was presented to the US. Minister to France in 1884, it is said
that he remonstrated that the dominant view of the broken shackles would be
offensive to the U.S. South because the statue was a reminder of Blacks winning
their freedom. It was a reminder to a beaten South of the ones who caused their defeat, their
despised former captives.

Documents of Proof:

(1.) You may go and see the original model of the Statue of Liberty, with the
broken chains at her feet and in her left hand. Go to the Museum of the City of
NY, Fifth Avenue and 103rd Street (212) 534-1672 or call the same number and
dial ext. 208 and speak to Peter Simmons and he can send you some documentation.

(2.) Check with the N.Y. Times magazine, part II May 18, 1986.

(3.) The dark original face of the Statue of Liberty can be seen in the N.Y.
Post June 17, 1986, also the Post stated the reason for the broken chains at her
feet.

(4.) Finally, you may check with the French Mission or the French Embassy at the
U.N. or in Washington, D.C.and ask for some original French material on the
Statue of Liberty, including the Bartholdi original model. You can call (202) 944-6060 or 6400.

Please pass this information along! Be sure to send it to people with children!
Open a dialog and discuss it with your friends! Let this be the beginning of
your quest for the Truth about American History past and present!

Empower Yourself, Your Family and Your Community!

Gravitational Genealogy

While studying the solar system, I began to ponder the mystery of the human life cycle in relationship with the universe. It seems amazing to me that however one wishes to believe how the solar system was created, the Earth possesses an undeniable and miraculous ability to be the only planet which after billions of years has sustainable life. And not just any kind of life, a thinking, reasoning, spiritual and everlasting existence.
Space is inevitably without boundary, no matter how far man attempts to stretch technology with satellites and space missiles, he is unable to unlock the secrets of this galaxy in totality. Not to mention how many vast, newly forming galaxies are being developed as we live out our lives. So here's my revelation theory to the human life cycle.
Back in 1996, all I had ever known was the rarity of our five-generation family. There was my great grandmother, her daughter, my mother, me and at the time, my son. So let's suppose that back in 1899, my great grandmother's birth was the equivalent to the solar nebula of our family's genera. As our galaxy maintains a swirling, gravitational pull of the planets against the Sun, so our family increased with age. Each generation started a new planetary orbit around my great-grandmother and new births (children) were as moons around each planet where at the time of 1996, we had our Sun and four gravitational planets or life-cycles. So imagine the life of the planetary system if anything ever happened to our Sun? Every planet with a rotating axis of purpose and functionality no longer is held to the dominion of its galaxy. In order for the universe to survive, there would be a need for an immediate, appointed transfer of energy to a new, rejuvenated Sun to hold the gravitational pull for the next era.
When my great-grandmother passed of natural causes in 1996, my grandmother immediately passed two weeks later due to cancer. In a matter of weeks, my family had lost two separate energy sources or stars while my mother was in no condition to take over as position of the Sun, due to obvious grief, however each planetary equivalent and its satellites needed our orbits to be pulled back into synchronization for universal strength. For a period of some years, our family lost its gravitational pull.
Now of course every "gravitational genealogy" praxis appears unique in physical matter and mechanics, however universally, I think as humans, we act in a similar manner when we loose that member of the family that acts as the unit's "Sun". The survival instinct of the family unit ultimately depends on the posthaste preparation of replacing this necessary position. Without this center, most families lose touch with the other members (planets and moons) almost immediately. In many cases, if you lose a monumental Sun there may need to be an interchange or cohesion between dueling forces (siblings in most cases). Regardless of the energy source, without someone to pull it all together, the others go spinning out of orbit, losing touch with their galaxy (descendants) and planetary bodies (current relatives) creating the demise of the solar system (family).
Which leads to the next theory...does the "Sun" return to the universe (Heaven?) after passing...I'll leave that for another discussion but wouldn't that make the universe even more precious, everlasting and explain the beauty of Heavenly bodies?
In closing, losing a major member of your family is devastating. The survival of each of our separate galaxies depends on the resilience of surviving members to replace its power source. Weak systems fight with dwindling energies by struggling for control (life insurance, the estate and forgetting to carry on the dying star's ancestral memory). It is mandatory to keep order and peace, remembering that the survival of your universe is vital to continue each of our destined Sun's existence (memory) while here on Earth. Realistically, isn't the universe (life) chaotic on its own?
Consequently, feel free to banish aides of destruction (renegade comets) to your solar system into parabola as necessary...this includes pesky ex's and twice removed relatives. :-)

The joy of winning...

Mom loved her card games and gambling and although I don't know where she got the fever, I know it gave her joy. When computer software came with several versions of solitaire, you couldn't get her off of the computer. She loved bid whist, scratch tickets, the dog track, horse races and when Blackhawk and Central City opened up in the Colorado Hills, she could disappear for hours. She had so much fun winning, and when she won comps in restaurants, she would take us along and we could invite our friends. A couple of times, she let some people we didn't even know join us. She loved sharing the winning feeling and even though I wasn't a fan of gambling and what it represented, when she found out she was sick, she still tried with all her strength to make it to those hills. The day she had to physically let it go because her body lacked in energy, I think she began to lose her will because the thrill of the trip gave her life meaning and the anticipation of winning was exciting. The lights, the environment, the clinging of the coins, the other players, all represented the big pay back. But what if that is what life is? A series of games, experiences, challenges, where the object is to win some, lose some...we're all in this big world together hoping to get the shot at making it big and that is what keeps us going. Big doesn't have to be a cash prize, it could be whatever your heart desires and your willingness to lay your bid on the line to achieve the kitty.
I know the place where she exists in spirit is the big pay back...winnings beyond comprehension and a prize too large for one to hold. And after seven years, I know she's still watching over us all, guiding us towards our individual jackpots and hopefully, we'll learn to pay our blessings forward...to me, that is the true joy of winning on a day in the remembrance of a life that only exists in memory...R.I.P. Mom and thank you for showering us with protection, riches and blessings from above where no longer do we wonder how and why, we just say, 'thank you'.